Call me Chicken Little

Today I did the unthinkable. I skipped out on my blood work. Gasp. All IFs across the planet have just fainted in disgust. Well, I had a reason. Yesterday, the long awaited positive reared its head.  That’s right, just call me Chicken Little. I hit my surge baby.

I considered, seriously, going anyway just to make absolutely certain. I got a new OPK, this time with the two blue lines, because I was really starting to get pissed that the stupid stick wasn’t smiling, and well, that just felt kind of crazy. But the rub is that the two lines are kind of hard to interpret, so there is some room for human error. I got so many damn negatives though that I had a good baseline to work from. But I’m just super paranoid. I swear the messages I leave on the RE voicemail are classic. They probably all groan as soon as my crazy voice comes rambling out of the phone …”yeah, so I’m not really sure what it means. I mean it’s good right? Well, anyway if someone can call me back that would be good or if not, you know…”

In any case, I thought about going, but my RE is an hour from my house and 45 minutes from work, which means I would’ve been at least 40 minutes late and that’s best case scenario. My boss has no clue what’s going on and he’s not exactly accommodating so since I got the surge, and even if it turned out I didn’t, I don’t think they would’ve done much, I decided to just skip it. I called and they said that it was very most probably a real positive and not just a mistake. Plus I’ve had alternate boob pain and minor cramping in the lower abdomen so I think I’m good.

I am going in Friday to confirm everything so I’m keeping fingers crossed in case I’m totally off. God, why do I have to be so damn paranoid. Just a few more days and we’ll find out if I really did ovulate then the real waiting will begin. Fun.

[Via http://fertilelychallengedblacksheep.wordpress.com]

The shock!

I found out 2 days ago that I’m going to be a Mum and I am still struggling to believe it’s true. What if those tests I took on Thursday are wrong?

My Mum tells me that you can get a false negative but never a false positive (I’m therefore assuming that I got a false negative when I took a test when I was 16 DPO, surely!). I was 22 DPO when I got these positive results above, 22 days! I did my first test at 9 DPO although I knew it was far too early but I didn’t think I’d have to wait another 13 days to get a BFP!

I have longed to be a Mum since 2005 when I can remember the first time I felt broody.

At this very minute there is a tiny baby growing inside my tummy… it’s so surreal!

[Via http://apregnantinfertile.wordpress.com]

Emotional hell

I went to the doctor today and everything is progressing the way a miscarriage is supposed to.   My body seems to be taking care of things well enough on its own, so he doesn’t think I need a D&C or other intervention.    The cramping is horrible, almost contraction-like, but I took an oxycodone (leftover from surgery in September) and that has definitely taken the edge off.

My beta hcg went all the way down to 2 and the progesterone dropped as well.   My doctor doesn’t think that the miscarriage was specifically because of my hormone issues, but it’s too hard to know 100% since it was so early in the game.   The guess is that something just wasn’t right and the embryo just stopped growing.   

So, now we really do know that 100 mg of Clomid + Premarin + the metformin is the right “fertility cocktail.”    I just have to wait for 2 full cycles before we can start TTC again, so that probably won’t be until April at least.   That is frustrating, but it is what it is.   I can’t change it….can only move on from here.

I’m still an emotional wreck and start crying at weird times, but even that is getting better.   Trying to focus on the positive and hope for the best for the future.

[Via http://ttcadventure.wordpress.com]

Going out of my mind

The last few days have been incredibly nerve wracking. The highlights of which include waking up today and yesterday at 4:30 a.m., unable to go back to sleep. Fun, fun, fun.

So, to refresh everyone’s memory, on Jan. 4, I went to the RE for an ultrasound and was told my follicle was ready to go. I did the Ovidrel shot that night. The next day I experienced an odd pain in my lower-right abdomen, which after reading up online (really someone should bar me from Google searches), I’m pretty certain that was me ovulating. So theoretically, that would now put me at 15 DPO. And guess what, no AF.

Before you even ask, yes, I tested (twice) and yes it was a BFN both stinking times. And it was last night and this morning so it’s no like it was too early. Side note here, I accidentally got the digital readout test. Big mistake. I thought not seeing the second line was bad enough, try reading the words “not pregnant” clear as day in bright type. No way to misread that one. Awesome.

After calling my doctor today, I was told to be patient and that I hadn’t given it enough time. She certainly didn’t seem too confident on the possible pregnancy thing, more like AF is just right around the corner. At this point I hope so. Not that it really means much even if it is. I’m being pulled off of Clomid. But at least then I can have some wine.

I asked if it was possible that I didn’t even ovulate — which to be honest, I can’t even really fathom as an actual fact; I mean, 150 mg Clomid (I think; still unsure) and a shot of Ovidrel and still no O???? That just can’t be %&@#’n possible. Luckily, the nurse seemed to have the same reaction. She basically told me that the Ovidrel shot forces your body to ovulate and given that a follicle was ready to go that day, it would be pretty impossible if I didn’t.

So here I am. Waiting some more. I’m going Friday to get bloodwork — a pregnancy test and for a progesterone tracker. The worst part is my lower back has been killing me, I’ve had incredibly bad gas and indigestion and now my bb’s are sore. Yes, all early  pregnancy symtpoms. But also AF. I just want this to be done already.

I’m nervous about the next step, but it’s better than limbo. I’m going out of my head over here.

[Via http://fertilelychallengedblacksheep.wordpress.com]

Big appointment.

Well…maybe.  I didn’t get a phone call today confirming my appointment with my OB/GYN tomorrow–so I’m really hoping they didn’t mess up my appointment because that would just mess up so much as I’m already on CD 4 and don’t know where we’re going from here.   I am actually looking forward to the quarterly “What’s wrong with those ovaries?” appointment for the results of my latest round of blood tests and a new treatment plan.   I’m guessing more Clomid will be in order and thinking that we might be going up to a 150 mg dose.  

Today, I heard an advertisement on the radio looking for women 18-34 who are trying to get pregnant but not ovulating.   It sounds like a clinical trial for a new medication aimed at stimulating ovulation, so I figured why not and gave them a call.   I don’t have much more information other than the fact that the organization doing the study is part of a fertility clinic and local hospital in the Detroit Metro area.  I got a voice mail from a coordinator and will call her tomorrow for more information.   It sounds like they’re specifically looking for PCOS patients, but I’m not sure if you have to have a definite diagnosis or not.  

I guess my biggest question is whether everyone in the study would be given the medication or are they using placebos?   It would really suck to go through all of the testing, prodding, baby dancing (well, that wouldn’t be that bad)  to find out you were given nothing but a sugar pill.   I couldn’t handle that kind of disappointment.   Talk about playing with people’s emotions!   I would also be wondering about multiples–has the drug been studied enough to know whether a litter would be a possibility?   I definitely don’t want to be an Octomom.

So many questions–but the idea of being monitored by a fertility clinic, FOR FREE, is kind of exciting since our insurance won’t cover anything.  I guess like everything, it’s all about benefit vs. risk.  

Fingers crossed that tomorrow goes well

[Via http://ttcadventure.wordpress.com]

Gimpy, but going for it

First, a big congrats to Al at Mission: Motherhood for rocking the BFP this morning. Al’s baby-making blog is one of the first I began following and her news today lit me up from the inside out. It is, in a word, AWESOME!!!!

Okay, onto my CD13 update. I wore a bright red and green plaid shirt to the RE’s office this morning (it’s cute, I promise) and my knee-length argyle socks. This was an effort to put some “happy” into my aura. (I also wore jeans and white converse high tops. It was a casual day at work.) I CAN DO THIS, I kept thinking. I can take the bad news. I am strong. I am calm. JUST BREATHE. No matter what this ultrasound throws at me, just breathe.

The results were decent. I have two 17.5mm follies on the left side. My lining grew almost 1mm to 3.2. That’s still really thin, but, I mean, it’s growing. I was shocked by that…I figured it’s be the exact same. So that’s awesome. Go body! Keep up the good work!

And the best part: I’m triggering tomorrow night. Yep, for his 31st bday, hubs will be giving me that magical Ovidrel shot. (Hey, it beats having to do his biz in a cup for an IUI on the morning of his birthday!) Because of the way this all worked out timing-wise, we are not doing the IUI this cycle. And I am completely cool with that. For all of my attempts to control/plan/take charge of my important cycle days, it just didn’t pan out that way. The good news is that hubs has great swimmers so we can spend the weekend gettin’ busy under my parents’ roof.

The nurse said it’s too late to do anything about my lining. (My Googling suggests otherwise, but whatevs.) She said there are two kinds of docs, those who think lining is a big deal, and those who don’t. Dr. C doesn’t think it’s a deal-breaker. She said if we conceive and it’s a good embryo, it’ll find a way to stick. Plus, the lining may thicken up a bit more before ovulation. Those are the POSITIVES. The obvious negative is that a thin lining is not as nourishing, soft and welcoming to any good eggs floating around looking for a place to get comfy. And the two maturing follies are not big fatties at the moment.

I’m not saying any of that to be a downer, I’m just being realistic. My TTC defense mechanism is alive and well….I’m gimpy this cycle. But NEXT time? Maybe my odds will be up. Dr. C will prescribe something to counteract the thin lining Clomid causes in me. We won’t be traveling so we can IUI if we want. At minimum, we’ve LEARNED from this cycle, right? Right!

But still. I admit that I really, really, really want it to work. I’m going to enjoy the weekend with my parents, siblings, friends. And I’m going to have lots and lots of fun with my wonderful hubby. And that, my friends, is that! Thank you all so much for the support and comments, it has helped me through a roller coaster of a week. Merry Christmas!!

[Via http://suchagoodegg.wordpress.com]

Well, that's just confusing.

Hello and welcome to CD24…and AF arrived this morning. What? Why? I suppose I should thank Clo.mid for this little *blessing*. However, now I am just really confused. When I had my follicle scan 13 days ago…I had no dominate follicles…how did I ovulate? When did I ovulate? Did I ovulate? How fast do follicles grow? I had a borderline positive OPK on CD15…but now I am having a period? This makes so little sense to me. Can anyone more experienced help me out?

I confess that I am woefully lacking in the way this all works…especially since this was my first medicated cycle and who knows how messed up Clo.mid can make your cycle.

I guess I don’t have to have progesterone this month…small comfort. And I suppose this explains why I was cranky yesterday and didn’t sleep well the past few nights.

[Via http://rainingblossoms.wordpress.com]